It's been my experience that when I need to quit something, the best way to go about doing it is to go cold turkey. Otherwise, I will never stop. The same holds true for when I go through one of my highly motivated phases and my head fills with ideas and projects and goals. If I don't throw myself immediately into whatever it is I want to start doing, I simply will never start.
This morning is a prime example. Last night I drew up a schedule for myself detailing my daily activities during my 21 days as a Buddhist. Today, being day numero uno, I had slated myself for a 6 a.m. wake up call. Then, it was 7 a.m. Then 8 a.m. I finally rolled my lazy, undisciplined ass out of bed at 8:52 a.m., which I never like because when I do things right, I have already made a french press and have a cup of coffee in hand before Regis and Kelly start at 9 a.m. Those are the good days. If I wake up later than I intended to I feel like I'm running late the rest of the day. Plus, the mental ramifications of not sticking to my plans make me feel uncomfortable and tense. I slacked this morning, and paid the price. Although I didn't have to work until 11 a.m., I left myself no time to accomplish anything I wanted to. Needless to say, I set myself up for a mediocre day all for a few more selfish hours of sleep.
I did read though. I started reading "The Heart of the Buddha's Teaching" by Thich Nhat Hanh, and have slowly started to realize that everything I thought I knew about Buddhism was wrong. First of all, there is no "bible" for Buddhism. There are records of different discussions and ideas, but there is no single book that claims to have the way. When Siddartha Gautama left his wife and children at the age of 29, he had one goal in mind: figure out how to end suffering. He spent six years traveling and studying with many different teachers. One day he sat down to meditate at the base of the bodhi tree and vowed not to stand up until he was enlightened. Shortly before morning, Siddartha had a profound breakthrough and became a Buddha filled with compassion and love. He spent the next 49 days enjoying his new found peace until he finally made his way back to civilization to share what he had learned.
That's it. Granted, I'm paraphrasing, but that's the story. No virgins, no wise men, no north stars, no immaculate conceptions, no lambs; just a guy sitting under a tree. And that's the beauty of Buddhism, it's not necessarily a religion per se, but a state of mind. Each and every one of us is capable of attaining enlightenment and becoming a Buddha. Buddhism is a state of mind, the perfect state of mind, where our minds and bodies are completely in sync and 100 percent present in the here and now. We have all experienced this at some point in our lives, that moment when "it all comes together," especially for those of us who played sports or musical instruments. There have been moments of synchronicity for me when skiing, moments when my mind and body are so perfectly in tune with my equipment and terrain that thinking dissolves into doing; the two become one. Those moments can shake you to your very core. It's exhilarating to possess that much energy; the only reason it ever goes away is because most of us have not yet developed the ability to manage such an overwhelming force. This comes through meditation, but I'm getting ahead of myself.
The substance of Buddhism comes from Buddha's Four Noble Truths. These are:
1. Suffering (Dukkha) - All of us experience some sort of discomfort (suffering) in our minds and bodies. Buddhism encourages us to recognize and acknowledge the presence of our suffering; touch the suffering.
2. Origins of Suffering (Samudaya) - The origin, roots, nature, creation, or arising of suffering. After we recognize and touch our suffering, we must look deeply into it to see how our suffering came to be. We pinpoint the spiritual and material things we have consumed that are causing us to suffer.
3. Cessation of Creating Suffering (Nirodha) - We must refrain from doing the things that make us suffer. Healing becomes possible.
4. The Path (Marga) - This is the path, or direction that leads to refraining from doing the things that cause us to suffer.
Today I've been thinking about the first of these Four Noble Truths, suffering. We all suffer. Any time the mind and body feel a sense of unease we are suffering. I didn't stick to the schedule I had made for myself and I've felt like shit all day- this is a form of suffering. Certainly it's not the same as the suffering caused by, say, zipping your balls up in your zipper, but it is suffering nonetheless. Buddhism teaches us that although impermanence is guaranteed, suffering is optional. Hell, the whole reason I started this exercise was to find a way to alleviate suffering. It perplexes me, it really does. So many of us walk around with attitudes of righteousness, yet live lives of quiet desperation, like Thoreau said. If the underbelly of life were exposed, all of humanity would see that everybody is afraid. We are afraid of death, we are afraid of divorce, we are afraid we'll lose our jobs, our cars, our houses, our identities- all of us are afraid of losing something. And for me, the saddest part of that is the truth. Yes. Slowly, we are losing everything. Nothing is permanent and everything changes. But, as Buddhism tells us, we can choose not to suffer.
That's a shitload to take in all in one day. Everything has a duality. Birth and Death. Marriage and Divorce. Peace and War. Turkey and Tofurkey. OK so maybe not that last one, but what I'm trying to say is that even though everything is essentially suffering, we could not experience joy without it. My head hurts, it's almost midnight, and I can already hear my rigorous self-imposed schedule laughing at me tomorrow morning. Suffering. Dukkha. I think I'm beginning to understand...
