In Between the Lines

Im lost.
I would ask for directions, but nobody knows how to get to where I want to go.
The other day I caught my reflection in the window of a store and it frightened me;
for a moment, I thought I was being followed.
It's a terrible thing, to exist together and alone.

I turn every corner with my head down,
but keep my eyes open just in case.
Sometimes I can feel it again,
I hold my breath, afraid to blink,
eyes watering from the burn of the air,
but everything I see
looks like it's missing something.

My head fills with the thoughts and advice of men who did extraordinary things,
and doubt.
The snarling voice of comparison and hindsight
hacks away at what's left
of hopeful ideas and endless possibility.

Everything takes so much time and nothing ever gives it back.
Just lesson after lesson,
forming a chronological line of what could've been,
in preparation of having to answer to
the most terrifying thought of all.

But there's no shame in effort,
or being there and doing that,
facing shame and consequence,
overcoming risk and rationality,
and jumping into the fire.

The Illusion of Trust

Why do we trust people? How many times have you put your trust into somebody only to be completely let down? Trust is a preposterous notion. Human beings, by nature, are only interested in one thing: themselves. Would it not be the acme of foolishness, then, to allow yourself to believe anything anybody says?

Let us not confuse trust with honesty. Undoubtedly, people have the capacity to be honest, but honesty is nothing more than self-preservation in action. To be honest means to act free of deceit and untruthfulness, even in the cosmetic areas of life. But, this is not how we act. Everyday, we find excuses to have another bite, take another drink, smoke another cigarette, stare a little longer, drive a little faster, spend a little more: the list goes on and on. We have become masters of deception by continually seeking reasons to delay whatever inevitable fate awaits us. And, to ease our discomfort, we fill our lives with the people, places, and things that offer us the best illusion of totality. It's not our fault- we are wired to seek out that which makes us feel good. It makes sense, then, that when we speak about ourselves we tend to tweak or even omit certain details that we perceive to be insignificant. As a result, only a partial picture is formed. It is impossible to make an informed decision, and then act out of sincerity, if some of the facts are missing.

Perhaps you are saying to yourself, "Damn buddy, your glass is half empty!" I disagree. In fact, I find day to day life extremely humorous and rewarding. But, I've also been told that I've spent a vast portion of my life being incredibly selfish. I've trusted and valued others' opinions more than my own, which means I've tried to build an identity out of lies and manipulation. That's the bitch about trust: as soon as you find out you never had all the information, everything you were and everything you are comes into question. There is nothing more evil than manipulating somebody so much that they begin to believe the lies being told about them. It makes no difference if the lies are big or small, once a new image is created the old image is gone forever.

So we must embrace common sense, as the ability to point out bullshit has become the only yardstick one needs in order to measure the sincerity of another human being. People will always act out of self-interest; this cannot be changed. But, the damage can certainly be minimized. Using common sense will force you to recognize when something or somebody is being disingenuous. Think of common sense like a doubt meter: whenever you begin to feel that doubt, it's probably time to trust your instincts...

All any of us truly want is a little peace and happiness, but we can't seem to sit back long enough to allow that peace to happen organically, so we try to create it. We strive to portray the image that we are respected, worthy, and more in-the-know than the next person. Nobody is our equal and this brings the illusion of peace. But, peace will continue to remain illusive as long as we allow ourselves to be controlled by the illusion of trust. Trust yourself and yourself alone. If for no other reason than nobody knows for certain what the hell happens after this life, stop allowing yourself to be controlled and do whatever it is you want to do in order to give yourself the life that you want...because if life teaches us anything, it's that nobody else ever will.

This Day in Bullshit History: Joseph Smith

4.06.1830 - Religion has always fascinated me. When I found out there was a religion that allowed a man to have as many wives as he wanted, I considered converting. Thankfully I'm older now, and have realized that trying to keep one woman happy is all the challenge a man should ever need...

Mormons. More specifically Joseph Smith, the author of the Book of Mormon, founder of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and America's first advocate for plural marriage. It was on this day in history that Smith founded the institution that would later become the backdrop for the kick-ass HBO original series "Big Love" starring Bill Paxton, Jeanne Tripplehorn, Chloe Sevigny, and Ginnifer Goodwin.

It is in my opinion that Joseph Smith was one of the greatest entrepreneurs to ever live. Smith obviously saw a segment of the religious market whose needs weren't being met and took full advantage of it by claiming that an angel had given him a set of golden plates inscribed with an ancient message that only he could translate. Thus the Book or Mormon was born...

It amazes me that people buy any of that shit. Some guy comes out and says that he found instructions on how to live life inscribed in his grandmother's china and nobody says wait a minute, something doesn't add up? If the New Testament were written by one writer, and that one writer had a younger brother, and that younger brother tried to write a book like his big brother's, the result would be the horseshit that makes up the Book of Mormon. Seriously, if you need a good laugh, thumb threw it sometime- it reads like one of Hunter S. Thompson's Mad Libs...

About the content...

I'm not really taking the time to edit any of this shit, so what you see (for right now) will largely be first drafts of things...i apologize for that and hope you can get through the choppiness...thanks